


The more it heals, the worse it hurts

by klawhawser



Series: somebody who catches you [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec takes Magnus to a vacation, Canon Compliant, Canon Compliant Episode: s02e15 A Problem of Memory, Caring Alec Lightwood, Coping mechanism, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Happy Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Past Torture, Post-Episode: s02e12 You Are Not Your Own, Snorkeling Magnus and Alec, Ten Trails Whump Challenge 2020, Trail 7: Road to Recovery, Whump, Whumptober
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 07:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26968561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klawhawser/pseuds/klawhawser
Summary: After switching body with Valentine, Magnus is spiraling down as his forgotten memories emerged. Alec takes Magnus to a short getaway to Maldives hoping Magnus would open up to him.For Ten Trails Whump Challenge by yuckwhump on Tumblr!Trail 7: Road to Recovery – Coping Mechanism, October 12th
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: somebody who catches you [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1945585
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24
Collections: Ten Trails Whump Challenge 2020





	The more it heals, the worse it hurts

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is the fifth theme on Trail 7: Road to Recovery, Coping Mechanism. Enjoy!
> 
> The title is taken from Dynasty - MIIA

Alec is picking the glass shard and put them carefully onto the dustpan, making a clink sound as it touched the surface of the dustpan. No doubt he is happy that Magnus is back to his own body, but the trauma he experienced as he was detained and tortured, unpleasant experience would be an understatement. As he was picking the rest of the shards, he heard Magnus footsteps closer to him and so he craned his neck to see his lover. A crestfallen smile appears as he loiters past Alec and plops himself to the sofa.

Alec slowly rise from his crouch and strides to Magnus. He observes Magnus and it pains him looking how tired and vulnerable he is.

“Magnus, I’m so sorry for everything you had to go through,” Alec apologizes sincerely. The guilt is eating up on him for not believing in Magnus who’s desperately begging Alec to believe him that he’s not Valentine.

Magnus shakes his head a little, and stay silent. Alec watches him dejectedly when Magnus doesn’t say anything to him. His mind already overthinking that Magnus silently hates him.

“That agony rune,” Magnus hesitates. As someone who understood really well about that rune, how it enhances your deepest fears and hurt you physically and mentally, he closes his eyes in pain, not ready to hear the torment he’s been through. “Made me relive memories I’ve spent centuries trying to forget.”

Alec calmly takes a seat beside him and steal a glance to Magnus, who’s lost in his own thoughts.

“Magnus, tell me how to fix this,” Alec begs. His heart sinks a little when Magnus keep shaking his head, unsure on what to do with it. “Just tell me what to do, _please._ ”

Magnus slowly gaze his eyes to Alec, clenching his jaw and still choose to say nothing. Alec sighs, looking down in defeat. He feels completely clueless. He really wants to make Magnus better but he understood that Magnus need some time. The torture must be tiring him and maybe a good night rest will freshen him up.

“Let me take you to bed, Magnus. We can deal with this tomorrow,” Magnus nods quietly and he placed his hand on Magnus’ waist, leading him to their bedroom.

Magnus clicks his hand and he’s already in his night robe and slide himself under the cover. Alec has just changed himself to a more comfortable shirt and surprised to see Magnus already fallen asleep. He lets a small smile as he watches his boyfriend sleep soundly. Softly, he tiptoes to Magnus’ side, fixing his cover to his neck.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Magnus,” he bends down and places his lips on his hair, sandalwood shampoo scent filling his nose. Alec is about to leave to resume cleaning the shards, but a hand on his arm stops him from leaving.

“Stay, Alexander.”

Hearing his plea, Alec can’t simply say no to Magnus. But he needs to clean first. “I’ll clean the shards then-“

He groans. “We’ll deal with them tomorrow. Just come here,” Magnus pats the empty side of the bed. Alec nods then slides himself beside Magnus. He lies on his side and stares at Magnus’ warm eyes which also staring at him.

Alec holds Magnus’ hand and entwined them to his hand. The way Magnus’ thumb caressing his thumb, making him sleepy. Funny how it should be Alec who’s supposed to taking care of Magnus, and he’s the one who’s being coddled by him. He blinks slowly as his eyelids become heavier, looking at Magnus once more, he falls into oblivion.

\--

The sun hasn’t fully rise yet and still quite dark outside. It is quite a serene morning; Chirps of bird is what awakes Alec from his slumber. Slow and steady breaths of Magnus is blowing on his nape and Alec is grateful. Magnus is here in his own body and free from torture. After the incident last night, he’s hoping nightmare won’t visit in his sleep. Even though very unlikely, it’s not a crime wishing that his boyfriend has a fitful dream.

Regaining his consciousness, he pushes the cover away and creeps silently to the door, leaving Magnus tangled to the cover alone, deep in his sleep.

He curses silently as he sees his phone that he left on the coffee table last night, the screen black due to low battery. A sigh escapes his lips when he realizes he has to go back to the Institute by 8.

Before he leaves, he makes french toast for Magnus and put them on the kitchen island. A note saying ‘I’m sorry for having to leave early but I love you. Enjoy your breakfast. -Alec” is placed next to a glass of orange juice. Taking his coat which he hung next to the hanger by the front door, he loiters back to their bedroom door, peeking at Magnus who’s still lying on his back. After making sure Magnus is okay, he leaves Magnus’ loft in a hurry.

When he arrives, the institute already buzzing with shadowhunters milling about. Few of them exchanges ‘good morning’ to Alec as he struts to the ops center, finding Jace to debrief for the day.

“Alec!”

Alec startles, putting his hand on his chest and steps back when Jace’s steps closing the space between them.

“Can you not startle me when it’s clearly still too early to start a prank, Jace?” Alec deadpans.

“Then, can you not make me feel anxious at night again, Alec?” Jace asks. He looks really tired judging from the dark circles under his eyes. “I can’t sleep last night when I felt you were so uneasy the whole night from my parabatai rune. Did you have an argument with Magnus?”

“What? No,” Alec waves his hand. “No, Jace, we’re fine. It’s just Magnus has been through a lot and he’s been feeling on edge last night. I think he still blames me for not believing in him.”

Jace frowns. He hates it when Alec is overthinking, as if all the burden has to be put on his shoulders alone. “Did he tell you that he blames you for that?”

“Well, not explicitly. But I know he-“

“Okay, Alec, that’s enough,” Jace stops him. “He won’t blame you because he loves you so much, Alec. Remember he said that you unlocked something in him? You’re important to him.”

“But what can I do for him, Jace?” he asks. “I can’t give him something that he can get on his own?”

Jace sticks out his index finger, signaling Alec to wait. Alec gives him an unimpressed look as Jace’s hands fumbles on his pants pocket, trying his damned best to get something inside it. While waiting for Jace, he signs a few papers given by some of the shadowhunters.

“Here.”

On his hand there’s a voucher. Not reading the writing on it, Alec rolls his eyes. “Really? A coupon for a massage chair?”

Jace shakes his hand, accentuating Alec to take a closer look to it. “Take it.”

When Alec take the voucher from his hand, his eyes widen. It’s a voucher to spend weekend on a cottage in one of the private islands in Maldives. It’s a perfect gift for Magnus. He knows how Magnus always have a bubble bath everytime he deals with a hard client. Taking Magnus to a place surrounded by water would calm him. Alec looks at him then to the voucher in his hand. “How did you get this?”

“It’s not important how I got them. Magnus and you could use a little peace in this chaos,” Jace shrugs, acting like it’s nothing. “Consider it as my early birthday gift to you.”

Alec couldn’t believe it, why would Jace gives this kind of voucher to him? Watching his parabatai looking so confused, Jace chuckles lightly.

“Don’t mind me, Alec. You need it more than I do,” he pats Alec on the shoulder. “Oh. Before you get into a panic mode, Izzy and I can manage to run the Institute for the whole weekend. Angel knows how many times you cover for our shifts.”

Alec blinks, his body can’t seem to move. “Thank you, Jace. This really means a lot.”

“Nah, don’t sweat it, Alec. That’s what brother’s do.” Alec gives him a sincere smile. A smile that Jace rarely see these days. He would do anything to make his parabatai happy.

\--

“Magnus?” his voice echoes as his boots produces a thud when it makes contact to the floor. Tidying up his boots on the shoe rack, Alec walks to the living room and Magnus isn’t there.

Walking around, he checks on their bedroom and bathroom. It’s empty. The balcony also devoid of Magnus presence. Then he remembers something.

He runs up the stair, careful enough to not trip and embarrass himself. Warm golden glow hits his skin and it warms him. It’s his archery range. Magnus set this place for Alec when he feels like training or punish himself. But Magnus has always been with him when he’s at the lowest. And this time, he’ll stay with Magnus.

Magnus is standing on the corner, his hands clasped on his back, letting the ray of the setting sun hits his face. Golden hour didn’t justice his beauty at all. His face relaxes, no muscle contorting on his face, making his boyfriend looking younger than his actual age.

“Enjoying the sunset?”

Magnus opens up his eyes then turns around when he hears Alec’s voice. He smiles and walks to his Alexander, kissing him slowly. Alec melts into Magnus immediately, feeling the longing and love from Magnus. As they part, Alec shows Magnus the voucher he got from Jace.

Magnus tilts his head to read the voucher, his eyes trails when he reads then he looks at Alec straight in his eyes, his mouth opening and closing, “What’s the occasion? I mean it’s not that I’m ungrateful or something, but it’s Maldives we’re talking about.”

Alec chuckles. “Jace gave this to me this morning. He didn’t tell me how he got it but he said we earned it.” His smile falters when he remembered last night. “And also as my apology, for hurting you. Again.”

Magnus hands is lifted to Alec’s neck. The way Magnus staring at him so adoringly making Alec’s chest beat loudly. “You don’t have to apologize, Alexander. I never blame you for what Azazel and Valentine did to me. You saved me that’s what matters, darling.”

Alec looks at him sadly. “If… If I was a second too late, you wouldn’t,” Alec’s breath shudders. Magnus shushes him, calming his Alexander, caressing his neck lovingly. “Y-you wouldn’t be here. A-and, and I won’t forgive myself for that.”

Alec suddenly is enveloped by Magnus arms; Feeling lost for a second, slowly he lies his chin on top of Magnus’ head and wraps Magnus back, hoping this moment lasts forever.

“I love you, Alexander,” Magnus says. “Thank you for saving me.”

Tears escapes from his eyes, he blinks the tears away and grasps Magnus tighter as he replies, “I love you, too, Magnus.”

They stay on that position for a quite a long time, enjoying their presence. The world hasn’t been kind to both of them. But when they’re together, they can conquer any hardships that has been thrown to their path.

\--

“Ready?”, Magnus asks Alec, unclasping the sunglasses on his shirt and wear it.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Alec replies, following Magnus wearing a pair of sunglasses with a smirk. It’s Saturday and they’re ready for their short vacation in Maldives. A luxury cottage by the sea awaits their arrival. Towing their suitcase, they step into the portal.

The portal opens right in front of the private island, there’s a narrow pathway that leads them right to their cottage, by the sea. Alec lets out a soft gasp.

“Wow.”

Seeing his astonished Alexander, certainly it is too much for Alec to take in everything, Magnus chuckles. It must be a rare occurrence for Alec to spend a night or two right in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Even for himself, he’s only been here once, he didn’t even remember the exact time when he visited this place.

Magnus takes their suitcase from Alexander and strolls his way to their cottage door, opening it up for Alec. “Shall we go inside?”

Alec follows him closely and nods, walking past Magnus to see the inside the cottage.

The cottage is no doubt a luxury one, a king-sized bed facing the sea with crisp white linen, adorned with soft blue comforter, and a bathroom with sea view, not to mention an infinity pool on the terrace side by side by the sea.

“I still don’t get it why would they place a pool when there’s literally a sea right in front of the cottage?” Alec complains to Magnus, his brows furrowing makes him like an angry child.

“Sea water is different than regular water, Alexander,” Magnus moans as he collapses himself onto the bed, feeling the cool sheet on his back. Magnus closes his eyes for a while, listening to the sound of the rippling pool water, probably from Alec’s feet dipping to it.

“Sex on the beach would be great.” Magnus muses out of the blue.

The sound of the water is still imminent, waiting for Alec to answer. Magnus cranes his neck to see his Alexander shot his eyes to him glinting with a mischievous smirk, “Maybe we should try it, Magnus. Drinking that while having sex on the beach literally.”

Magnus chokes.

He doesn’t expect Alec to say something like that easily.

“My, my, Alexander. I don’t expect you to say something so lewdly. But never fret, we have plenty of time to try that dream of yours,” Magnus says with a wink, making Alec blushes wildly. He turns his head sideways so that Magnus can’t see his reddening cheeks. Alec may have prepared himself when he said that but everything that came out of Magnus’ pretty mouth always makes him blush like a maiden.

“I-I…,” Alec trails off. “L-let’s try the activities they have, Magnus. I’m sure we can do something before the sun sets,” Alec tries to divert the conversation. He teased Alec enough today he decides to give up and let Alec leads this time.

“Okay, then. So, what do you have in mind?”

Alec shrugs both of his shoulder. “I never been here before and the sea seems inviting. You up for a swim?”

“Have you tried snorkeling, Alexander?”

“Um, I’m not sure?” Alec asks back, unsure on what kind of activity ‘snorkeling’ is.

Magnus smiles tenderly. “It’s like diving but on a shallow water.” Magnus explains and soft blue glow magic appears between his fingers. Discarding their summer shirt, only on their short pants, equipped in snorkel and fins to swim for himself and Alec.

Magnus clutches his tummy, laughing uncontrollably when Alec tripped his own fins. He hurriedly goes to Alec’s side checking for any scrapes on his knees, but apparently, he’s fine. And so, they snorkel.

The cool water hits Alec immediately when he splashed to the sea. Magnus follows him not too long after, and familiarize himself to the surrounding pretty quickly. His fins waves following the kicking of his legs, trying to find fishes. Alec stops midway when there are two clownfish swimming around him. He tries to touch them but they scurried away. He looks around and Magnus is beside him staring at colorful coral reefs below them. Once in a while, he catches Magnus staring at him when he’s busy giving small piece of bread to the fishes. Sea life creatures are amazing, Alec thinks.

The sun getting higher and they’ve been on the water for hours. Deciding they had enough, they swim back to their cottage, putting their equipment on the corner of the terrace, drying it completely. Alec is crouching getting clean shirt and pants for him and Magnus when he hears Magnus’ high-pitched whistle at him.

“What?”

“Tired enough to have a sex on the beach, Alexander, darling?” Magnus purrs in intoxicating voice.

Magnus is standing by the French door, dividing the terrace and the bedroom, his eyes travelling up and down Alec’s body, undressing him with eyes. His toned body decorated with dozen runes makes him really ravishing. Magnus doesn’t have a tattoo kink, but it’s just different in Alec. Alec laughs heartily, throwing Magnus’ clothes at him and he catches him with a grunt.

“You jerk,” He huffs then disappears to the bathroom, the sound of shower being turned on echoes, leaving Magnus dripping wet with his clean clothes.

_Teasing Alec is fun_.

\--

The sky glints with a ray of orange hue mixing with purple and dark blue. Alec rarely have time to see sunset, busy with shadowhunters work. This weekend is special for them, to be able seeing sunset in each other companies. It is very priceless. Alec mentally remind himself to give Jace a present for his birthday, a present that equally as worth as this one.

They had lunch few hours ago and they fell asleep on the bed, tired from their fun activities this morning. Alec join Magnus on the terrace, dipping his knees into the pool, accompanied with the sound of waves rolling. The pool makes a ripple when Alec dips one of his legs, then another one joins.

Magnus watches the splashes he makes from his feet, they were quiet for some time, enjoying the tranquility between them. Alec then leans sideway, resting his head on Magnus’ shoulders. Magnus then clutches Alec’s waist as Alec caresses his back.

“I love you, Magnus.”

Before he hears Magnus’ replies, suddenly Magnus jerks away from Alec, almost throwing Alec to the pool. Alec almost let anger overtake him but then concern grows on his face, seeing Magnus rests his eyes on the heel of his palm.

“Magnus, what happened? Did I hurt you?” Alec worriedly asks him, holding Magnus on his arms. But Magnus still on his position, ignoring him.

“Magnus, tell me,” Alec pleads. Magnus sluggishly looks up; tears wells up on his glamourized eyes. His heart clenches, seeing his Magnus so hurt. “Your memories still haunt you, doesn’t it?”

Magnus looks away from him and nods. “I can’t get it out of my head, Alexander. Every time I close my eyes.”

“What is it?” Magnus hesitates, unsure if he tells the truth he’d leave him. But he braces himself. He’ll deal with it later if Alec decides that Magnus is too hard for him to love.

“Remember I told you how I found my mother dead by my own hand?” Alec nods, letting Magnus continue. “My step father found me shortly after. He screamed at me. He called me an abomination.”

Alec’s eyes widen.

“What?”

Magnus bitterly smiles, remembering those memories. “He was right. He blamed me for her suicide.”

Alec takes his hand and rubs his thumb in a reassuring manner. Even in the darkness, he can still Magnus’ tears pouring down his cheeks. But it doesn’t make him less beautiful.

“He said that she hated herself for giving birth to a monster. So, I lashed out. With all magic I had.”

His breath shudders. Alec wipes Magnus’ tears with his thumb and Magnus leans slightly to his touch. Suddenly, he withdraws himself and his brow furrows.

“I burned him alexander. Right where he stood. I burned my stepfather,” Magnus’ voice cracked in the end, he’s too hurt to hide his tears from Alec.

“You were just a boy, Magnus.” Alec reasons. “You weren’t in control of your powers.”

“Yes, actually I was,” A tear trickles down his cheek and Magnus shakes his head. “I never wanted you to see this terrible… ugly side of me. Of my past.”

Magnus looks away and sniffles. Alec gives him a disapproving look. How can Magnus think of himself as ugly? From everyone he met, Magnus is the one who has the most tender heart, caring, and beautiful. Never cross his thought that Magnus is ugly. Never.

“Hey,” Magnus face is cupped by Alec warm and large hand. “There’s nothing ugly about you.”

Alec pulls him for a hug. Sobs wrecks Magnus’ body, as he clings to Alec for dear life. Alec caresses his back and whispers sweet nothing to him. He lets Magnus’ tears soak his shirt. He doesn’t really care.

“I know it hurts for these wound to heal, but I’m here,” Alec reassure him. “I’m always here for you.”

For Magnus, it may be hard for him to believe. Just like he said, Alexander is different from every Magnus’ past lovers. Having with seventeen thousand past lovers made him realizes that Alexander is definitely made for him.

How lucky Magnus is to have Alexander by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Thank you so much for reading my fic. Please do leave kudos, bookmark, and comment if you like!  
> I wrote the fourth theme here or simply by clicking this for complete collection. 
> 
> I might write 2 fics from official whumptober2020 in the meantime hahaha but I don’t know let’s see if I still have time to write them.  
> We’re halfway now and I can’t thank you enough for all your supports until now, please wait for the sixth theme, Breakdown, coming up on October 17th. See you later!


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